reason #150 – on the toilet

So I am sitting on the toilet throne when Ayaan starts knocking on the bathroom door.  Naturally, I keep my mouth shut.  Who wants to insane all that poisonous gas through his mouth.

5 seconds go by, he doesn’t stop.

10 seconds go by, he doesn’t stop.

“What Ayaan?”
“What are you doing”
“I am on the toilet”
“What are you doing on it”

Seriously dude, you’re almost 5.  Figure it out!

“Can I finish please?”

He continues to knock.

“Go away”

At this point he starts banging on the door.  A few more seconds go by. Now he’s screamin’ my name and hitting the door.  About a full minute later I finish my business, wash my hands and start to floss my teeth.  He continues hitting the door.

Two more minutes go by.

I change into my PJs, brush, use the mouthwash, wash my face, curse those zits, play the “find-some-hairs-on-Zeeshan’s-head game”.  All while Ayaan continues to scream off the top of his lungs while kicking the door.  I know I could’ve opened the door, but I do need some alone time.

I clean the countertop, clean the bathtub, organize the shower area, fold dirty laundry … all just to avoid having to deal with him.  But he continues to scream.

I take a deep breath, collect all my patience and open the door.

“Why, Ayaan, why are you screaming?”
“Why won’t you tell me what you were doing on the toilet?”

Uh, like a failed soul I lower my shoulders and reply.  He smiles and walks away.

That’s it?  Nearly ten minutes of screaming, yelling, kicking and crying just to hear THAT?  I take him to the library, I sent him to preschool, he’s been at the junior kindergarten for a while, I took him to taekwando, I take him skating, I take him to soccer, I take him swimming.  After all that his mental maturity is basically crying for ten minutes just to hear what I was doing on the toilet, and then instantly smiling and walking away?

Real question isn’t why I am bald, real wonder is how I’ve managed to still hold on to my eyebrows.