Sep 30 2009
Ayaan: “Can I come to the basement?”
Me: “No, I am working”
Ayaan: “Okay, I am coming”
Me: “No Ayaan, don’t come”
Ayaan: “Then fine, I am coming”
Me: “I said, no”
Ayaan: “Actually fine, I will come”
Comes to the office and climbs on my lap.
Sep 28 2009
Took the kids to the Demolition Derby this weekend (I know, I know).
If ‘t’ is the time we left, then it went like this :-
t – 2.5 hours:
Me after spending $24 to get in: “What a ripoff”
t – 2.25 hours:
Wife: “Can we get fries please?
Me: “Sure, I’ll go get it”
Me after spending $12 for fries: “What a ripoff”
t – 2 hours:
|Hamza: “Look, Demolition Dirty is coming”
Ayaan: “This is so much pun (he can’t say f)”
t – 1 hour:
Kids: “Can we go on rides please? Please? Please?
Me, looking at cash in my pocket: “Uh, sure. But just one each”
Kids: “Yay….”
t – 30 minutes:
Kids: “Can we go on one more, please? please? Please?
Me: “Argh, sure”
t – 15 minutes:
Me: “Alright kids, I have no money left, lets go”
Safiya: “This is not fair!”
Me: “What’s not fair?”
Safiya: “I didn’t even get to go on the ride I wanted to”
Me: “Why in the world did you go on rides you did not want to?”
Safiya: “I want to go to this one”
Me: “Why did you go to the other ones then?”
Safiya: “I wanted to go to those one before. But NOW I want to go to this one”
t – 5 minutes:
Safiya: “I did not even have fun cuz I did not even get to go to the ride I wanted to go to”
Next time I’ll just stay home, save $50 and hear “it’s not fair” at the comfort of my own home!
Sep 24 2009
I am traveling.
I slept for, wait for it, 14 straights hours last night. Tried to take a nap and slept through. I can already see some hair budding out 
. Well, if I look really, really carefully (and use a little imagination).
Wish I were home though 
Sep 21 2009
We were visiting someone when Ayaan (2.5 yrs old) came downstairs with a toy car.
Me: “Ayaan, where did you get it from?”
Ayaan: “It’s mine”
Me: “It’s not yours”
Ayaan: “It’s mine”
Me: “Who gave it to you?”
Ayaan: “I gave it to me”
Can’t argue with that logic.
Sep 18 2009
So Ayaan comes to the garage riding a small car. He doesn’t have a small car. Ayaan is 2.5 years old.
Me: “Woh, what’s this?”
Ayaan: “It’s a car”
Me: “I know. But whose is it?”
Ayaan: “it’s mine”
Me: “No it’s not. That bike next to that crying kid is yours”
Ayaan: “No it’s not. That’s his bike. This is mine”
I’d have pulled my hair out if I had any left!
Sep 16 2009
We have a cat named Sushi.
Ayaan: “Look at Chuchi”
My wife (to imitate him): “Look at Chuchi”?
Ayaan, launghing: “It’s not Chuchi. It’s Chuchi”
Me: “It’s Chuchi?”
Ayaan: “No, it’s Chuchi”
Me: “Sushi?”
Ayaan: “Yaaa. It’s Chuchi. Not Chuchi. Chuchi!”
Sep 16 2009
I was changing Ayaan’s unusually stinky diaper when I asked, “why didn’t you use the toilet? Why did you go in your diapers?”
Ayaan: “Noooo I didn’tttt. Mama did”
Me: “Mama did what? You did potty in your diapers”
Ayaan: “Mama did. I did noooot”
Me: “Mama did this?” I pointed to, well, you know what
Ayaan: “Yaaaa”
This is getting out of hand. How do you discipline a two year old for lying?
Sep 15 2009
Hamza is 5. Ayaan is 2.
Last night after we tucked them all to bed I came down to drink tea (don’t ask). I heard someone come down the stairs.
Me: “Who is coming down? You are in deep trouble”
Footsteps paused.
Me: “Who is it?”
Ayaan: “This is Ham-chcha”
I hear footsteps upstairs
Hamza: “noooo, it’s not me. It is Ayaan”
Ayaan: “No, I am Ham-cha”
Me: “Whoever you are, go back to bed right now”
Pause
Ayaan: “I am thirsty. I want water”
Me: “Go drink it upstairs”
Pause
Ayaan: “I have to tell you something”
Well, at least that boy is persistent.
Sep 14 2009
Ayaan is 2.
Me: “Did you hit your brother?”
Ayaan: “Noooo I didnnntttt”
Me (in a very stern voice): “Are you lying?”
Ayaan: “No, I am nooooot”
Me, giving him the stare of death known to vapourize people instantly: “DID. YOU. HIT. YOUR. BROTHER?”
Ayaan: “Yes, I did”
Me: “Why did you lie to me?”
Ayaan, calmly: “I did noootttt”
Me: “Why did you say you did not hit him”
Ayaan, in the same calm tone: “I did nooottt say thatttt”
My future generations are doomed.
Sep 11 2009
Me: “I love you Ayaan” (Ayaan is 2.5 years old)
Ayaan: “No”
Me: “I really do love you”
Ayaan: “I don’t love you”
Me: “huh?””
Ayaan: “I don’t want to love you”
Me: “But I really, really love you”
Ayaan: “I am not talking”
Me: “Ayaan!”
Ayaan: “I said, I am not talking”
And he walks away.
Ah, all those sacrifices, costs, sleepless nights … and this is what I get in return!
Sep 10 2009
So I had 7, yes SEVEN kids yesterday. A few things happen when you have that many kids to look after:
I should get a badge or something. “I survived 7 kids, only 3 my own”.
Sep 08 2009
Someone gave me two tickets to the air show (thank you, once again!) So I did what any father would do, I took my two boys and left the house to turn it into a Hamid-family-male-bonding-day. The only problem was that the other two Hamids were 5 and 2!
First we got stuck at the traffic forever. Yes yes, should’ve taken the train. I got it now. Then, we spent an hour looking for parking (yes, an hour). Eventually I found something 3.5 kms away from the air show, which is when I realized I didn’t take the stroller. Oh get this, this wasn’t entirely legal parking. I did pay $15 to park, but it was in a residential building and all visitor spots were taken. So I parked at the reserved spot. $15 earned me that, I think.
Waking 3.5 kms with two young children was nothing. The “fun” started when we got there. The morons at CNE didn’t know where the air-show was. One of them pointed me to a direction (”go there and find a place”) and failed to mention that “there” was far, FAR away AND that they had a free shuttle going from here to there. We were already so late, we made a run for it. I was still carrying the 2 year old while the 5 year old tried not to complain.
So eventually we got to a bridge. Nope, not it. Then a second bridge, not that either. At which point I decided to go see the map and noticed a third bridge. “Is that the right one?” Being a good consumer, I decided to ask a worker. That waste of skin directed me towards somewhere totally different. What the heck? How difficult is it to say: “I don’t know” or “I am not sure”? Idiots!
By this point the kids were tired and decided they wanted to go on rides instead (btw, the third bridge was it). To make things worse, since the 2 year old could just hear loud planes and not see them, he decided he was afraid of them.
Alright, fine. Lets go on rides. Each ride was $4 per child. WTF? Merry Go Round for $8? So poor kids just went on 3 rides before I ran out of cash. We spent rest of the time walking around.
Oh guess what, when I got back they had called the tow truck. I just made it out before it showed up.
Did I mention I was fasting? Yes sir, 5 hours of walking in the sun with not a drop of water to drink.
Yup, that’s why my hair doesn’t grow anymore!
[On the flip side, the kids had a blast. Weird]
Sep 04 2009
I was at my parents’ when I heard the 5 year old screaming in fear. I turned around and saw him run past me and hide behind the couch. I looked further and saw the 2 year old chasing him with a can of Febreze (except he thought it was Raid).
Me: Ayaan, what are you doing?
Ayaan: I am trying to kill him.
Me: Huh? Don’t kill your brother.
Ayaan: No, I want to kill him.
Me: Come here, give me that.
Ayaan: I said, I REALLY WANT TO KILL HIM
Me: Come here!
Ayaan: I am not talking to you
Me: Can you come here please?
Ayaan: I said, I am not talking.
And he’s two! My future! He is supposed to carry the family name forward, spread my DNA.
I think I will change his name while I am ahead. Bush seems like an appropriate family name for the behaviour
(I kid, I kid .. he’s not that bad)
